How to Be a Guardian Angel -- Chapter 8

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Chapter Eight

“So, what exactly are we doing?” I asked, as we faced each other in the park, the light of the day long gone. Cash placed both of our jackets on the park bench, but still didn’t elude to the real reason we were here. This park – the same one I’d been shot in – looked not much different than it had in the days when I’d peacefully played my guitar here.

Staring at the stones that once might have been stained with my blood, I didn’t realize that I’d moved away from Cash and towards the scene of the accident. How long had people maintained the forlorn scene, avoiding it out of respect for the dead girl I’d once been – or out of the fear of the incident itself.

It wasn’t until I sensed the motion behind me that I was brought back to reality, and dove out of the way of the foot flying through where my shoulders had just been. “What’s the big idea?” I demanded, coming out of my rolls and standing to face the shadow that was Cash.

“You could have been sent flying if you were still human,” he said, his hair and the outline of his wings glittering in the dim light of a street lamp. His outline disappeared again as he moved faster than a human could have. Diving again, I knew I wasn’t going to make it. His kick impacted into my left side, and sent me flying. I felt no pain, but I skid on the paving stones on the path – feeling the fabric on my shirt pick up dirt and fresh wear marks.

Now, it was my turn. Standing up, I picked out his outline and went for it. Willing my limbs to dart for him, I felt a fist impact his head – but the knee to his gut missed as he spun away, laughing. “We can’t hurt each other – what’s the point?” I growled, turning to face him as he came within inches of my face, looking down at me with the half smile I’d always known.

“Because I didn’t know if you could fight or not. You’re good, I guess.” Cash brushed a piece of hair off of my forehead, the idea of his touch sending a thrill through my new body. “What was that, Angel?” He asked, his eyes suddenly level with mine as they glittered in the street light. The glitter wasn’t something I was entirely comfortable with, so on impulse, I stepped away.

“Why are we fighting, Cash?” I asked.

“I just told you–,” He started, and I shook my head.

“I mean, what does this have to do with showing me the ropes?” I asked, looking towards my jacket.

It has everything to do with it. If you don’t know how to fight,” he paused, and made his stance casual. “You’ll need to be taught. There are some things that really aren’t avoidable when you’re a Guardian.”

I nodded. “Okay, I can agree with that.” I said, and fixed my hair into a tighter ponytail. Walking back over to the bench, I grabbed my jacket. It was a cold night – and anybody who would have looked out their windows would have definitely thought both of us were out of our minds. Slipping it on as Cash seemed to step away, his back to me. He ran his hand through his hair, and then walked over for his coat.

“You up for some drinks?” He asked. I chuckled.

“I still look seventeen, remember?” I asked. His eyebrows met briefly – and then he laughed.

“You haven’t really looked in the mirror, have you?” He asked, and then took my hand. “You don’t look seventeen anymore. Not that you really ever did,” his voice came with little bursts of fog as he pulled me back onto a sidewalk, and towards a row of shops. The lights on the street lit the glass like mirrors, and as we passed a particularly wall reflective one, Cash stopped, and placed me in front of it.

I froze, looking at a much older looking me. My wide brown eyes were even more defined then they’d been before, and my skin was as flawless as Cash’s. My long, curly brown hair was glossy, but overall, I was still me. Not wearing makeup, I would easily pass as a twenty-one year old, or better. Fixing the collar on my turtleneck, and checking my figure once more, I looked back at Cash. “And you didn’t mention this sooner because?” I asked, and he shrugged.

“I was told girls look at the mirror a lot – so I just assumed you had.”

“Classy, Cash,” I said, taking the would-be insult in stride. I’d tried hard to never be that kind of girl, but the fact was hard to avoid that some girls really did do that. As we neared a local bar, I spotted the characteristic outliers of the crowd – the ones that were leaving, the ones that were coming, and the varying degrees of loiterers. The space, or what I now realized was a busy club, danced with lights and life. I’d never been in one – but with Cash, there was no backing out now.

Cash had taken my hand again, and when we walked through the door, the bouncer didn’t even look twice at us. My tight jeans and converses, while plainer than what most of the scantily dressed girls were wearing, still blended in with the casual crowd around the black marble bar.

“Whatcha' want?” The female bartender asked, her face a calm smile, when she noticed us standing there. When Cash replied with a smile of his own, I noticed that they must have known each other.

“The usual,” his voice seemed to disappear into the music of the space, and then the girl was off – making whatever his ‘usual’ was.

I leaned against the counter, my elbows on the cold stone, and watched the dancers moving in near synchrony on the floor. The music didn’t have lyrics – or at least this song didn’t – and the dancers all looked like they’d found partners of one or another sex. The smile that crept to my lips was more of amusement as Cash seemed to notice me looking.

“So, what do you think?” He asked, and then seemed to look in the same general direction. “Something you’d get used to?”

I turned my head as if I was going to look at him, but kept my eyes on the dancers. “If you gave me long enough, maybe. I’m more curious as to how you got used to it.” I paused, and took my eyes away to watch the bartender place the two identical drinks on the counter.

“Twelve bucks,” she said, and seemed to pause there as Cash swiped the money out of his pocket, and into her suddenly waiting hand.

“Thank you for your patronage.”

She winked, then was off taking more orders, and not looking back.

“You two know each other?” I asked, and Cash handed a thin necked martini glass to me. “Should I?” He answered, and his cavalier attitude made me laugh.

“Guess not.” I said, and eyed the green olive in my glass.

“I guess you always knew you liked things dirty,” I joked, and Cash laughed as he eyed me.

“I’m not that kind of guy,” he said, frowning. It was my turn to wink as I lifted my drink.

“Bottoms up.”

The taste of the alcohol was sharp, but the burn of it didn’t come as it slid down my throat. Cash and I continued to watch the dancers until both of us finished our drinks, and walked to leave our coats at the check – something Cash had managed to forget about doing beforehand.

I bit back sarcasm as Cash got me onto the floor and into the throng, dancing to a slower song to start. His hands gripped my wrists gently as he taught me how to move like the others, though something told me I wasn’t going to be nearly as good. I’d chosen never to be a good dancer long ago, but it seemed my lack of trying really was going to cost me now.

When a faster song came on, though, nobody paid attention as everyone moved their focus to their partners, and I felt caged by all the pulsating bodies. Cash danced with me, his hands around my waist, keeping me there. Eventually, it became less uncomfortable, and I almost wondered if alcohol could still bother me, as an angel.

I could feel the lust of the people in the air, and I could smell every bead of salt that poured off the bodies. It was a situation I was slowly becoming tolerant of, until I looked into Cash’s eyes, and saw the unbridled desire there. Finally shown in it’s true form, I couldn’t hide as he moved his face down, and his lips brushed my nose – just before the song ended – and I rushed to break apart.

He didn’t notice my movement, or if he did, he appeared not to be bothered by it. Saying I wanted a break, he shrugged and said it looked like I wasn’t that into being here at the bar, and offered for us to call it quits for the night. I nodded gratefully, we grabbed our coats, and then left without so much as a backward glance.

The walk home was quiet, along the lit sidewalks. The only sound for a long time was of Cash and I’s breathing, and our joined footsteps. It didn’t change much until we were long past the park, and we passed an alleyway.

What happened next probably should have been predictable, but as the large man tackled Cash to the ground, and the other one grabbed me by my coat, I hadn’t been thinking of the possibilities. Their yells were incoherent for several seconds as they both tried to establish dominance in the situation – and Cash and I exchanged looks as his face was pressed against the concrete of the sidewalk. The man holding me, however, was the one who finally seemed to give the demands. “Your wallets, and whatever valuables you’ve got,” his voice growled, and I felt the presence of a knife against my back. Cash didn’t move, and neither did I - but images of Cash’s attacks filled my head suddenly, and I looked over at him.

“Fight, Krista,” I heard his voice, but saw no movement, and I froze even harder. His lips hadn’t moved - but his instructions were crystal clear in my head. Nodding imperceptibly, I lifted my leg and drove it with such force that I heard the bones snap in his foot. His grunt filled the air as his knife moved away, and I darted just far enough away to get a successful elbow slash to his face.

The big man watched his companion fall in pain, unmoving, until he locked eyes with me and decided to attack. “You dumb bitch, you’re in for it now!” Seemed like a cliche thing to say, but as the words came grunting out I dodged the goons knife, and then sent a foot solidly between his legs, his words turning soprano before he even hit the ground. Cash appeared behind me a flash later, but we didn’t stick around to see if the two were up to continuing the brawl.

How to Be a Guardian Angel -- Chapter 7

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Chapter Seven

“When were you going to mention that we can’t actually sleep?” I said, leaning up against the wall that Cash’s door was a part of. Cash seemed to smile a bit at the question.

“Oh, you noticed that?” He asked, already dressed and ready for the day. I leaned there, still in the shorts and the tee shirt, probably looking for all the world like a disheveled high school student – unready to face the coming dawn. It was six in the morning, and I’d heard Cash moving around starting fifteen minutes ago.

“Yes, I did.” I snorted, almost shocked that he took the unmentioned accusation with stride.

“We don’t sleep, because we aren’t mortal. We can appear to sleep – and we have visions, but we don’t sleep in the same terms as a human does. I highly doubt you would notice that yet – they don't always happen right away.”

“Visions?” I asked. “What are those?”

Cash looked over at me with purpose, but his expression was as if he didn't quite know what to say. “Messages, essentially? Sometimes, they’re direct. Other times, they’re tests of your abilities. The higher-ups are funny that way.” He took a hand and ruffled it through his hair, looked behind him for a moment towards his room, then looked back at me. “They can sometimes show us the future, as any one of us might see it.”

I looked at him. “Did you have one about me, before I died?” My question was asked quietly, and Cash seemed to freeze there, as if thinking about whether or not to tell me.

“Yes, but I was unable to interpret it at first. It wasn’t until that phone call that I actually understood what the message had meant.” Cash said, placing a hand on the back of his neck as he looked at me, his head lowered slightly. It was an interesting position, as if he was apologizing for something. I cocked my head to the side, but disregarded it for the most part. Walking over to the mattress, I made the bed quietly.

“You hungry?” He asked.

“How could I be,” I stated. “If I’m immortal, why would I need food?” He chuckled.

“Well, we can function without food, but I don’t happen to like the hollow sensation caused without eating something. Most angels will eat something to get the sensation to go away –it’s not because we need the nutrients.”

I sighed. I knew that hollow sensation. “Yea, then. I am.” I admitted, and then looked back at him. He smiled, then got to work on a breakfast.

While Cash was focused on breakfast, I decided to change into another pair of jeans, and a camisole. Leaving a sweater on the counter, and placing the rest of the bags carefully by the air mattress, I walked over to a bar stool and began sipping at a bottle of orange juice that Cash had pulled out of the fridge and placed there for me.

“So, what do you do all day if you’re a guardian angel?” I asked, watching as he began making scrambled eggs for the two of us. He looked over at me, then back at the eggs – seeming to plan an answer.

“Depends on the day. Some days, I just step back and chill out. My charge doesn’t need much help, despite what the higher ups think. She’s got her work cut out for her, but overall she’s smart enough to avoid dangerous situations. I can tell when she’s in trouble though, and she calls me when she definitely is.” He began plating the first bit of eggs while I wondered just exactly who the ‘higher ups’ where.

I couldn’t remember if he’d told me, and I almost felt afraid to ask. “Archangels,” he said, as he walked over to the bar and put a plate in front of me, a cool apple next to the eggs. “How did you know what I was thinking?” I asked, suddenly angry at him for knowing my thoughts. He laughed at my expression, then patted me on the head.

“Babe, your face made it plain.”

Scowling even harder, I took a fork and began eating, accepting his answer. “Let me explain some more. Archangels control the goings on with angels on earth. In heaven, they’re more like a police force. Here, they’re the law. They know practically everything that goes on – unless you’re careful.”

Careful? I asked internally. Wondering what he meant, I figured it couldn’t have been healthy. “Oh,” I said, and shrugged – trying to pretend like it didn’t mean anything to me. I’d always obeyed the rules, but Cash? Cash had always seemed the fringe kind of guy, even if it seemed like he was on the good side at the time.

Taking another drink, I then finished my eggs. The apple’s temperature normally would have made my teeth seize in pain from the cold, but now I bit in easily. Cash stood across from me, eating his own eggs, and watching me every so often. Something in his eyes made me want to shiver, but each time it rose I quashed it with sheer will – hoping that somehow this weird sensation was normal. I couldn’t really remember if I’d ever felt this way around him.

Somehow, Cash still managed to finish before me. Picking up my plate when I was done, he placed both of our dishes in the sink and ran water over them. Washing the dishes quickly, and then placing them on a rack, he came up behind me while I looked out one of the large windows. I freaked out when he reached a hand around my waist, but I smiled when I felt the familiar sensation of a metal object in my pocket.

“You remember that, right?” He asked, as I pulled it out of my pocket as soon as he’d backed away.

“My knife? Yeah, of course I remember it!” I said, turning to look at him.

“Thanks, Cash. You really have been a great friend.”

He nodded, and then turned on the TV. “It’s up to you today – unless I get a surprise phone call, we have nowhere to be. I’m supposed to be taking care of you, you know. Showing you the ropes.” I looked at him, smiled, then nodded.

“Well, showing me the ropes wouldn’t hurt. But, what is there to know? All you have to do is protect somebody, right?” I asked, feeling like I was a little more cocksure than I should have been.

Cash arched an eyebrow, but said nothing more than a ‘you’ll be surprised,’ before beckoning me over to the couch like I hadn’t said anything, and leaving me with a weak sense of foreboding.

How to Be a Guardian Angel -- Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The suffocating sensation of a blanket over my face is what made me return from my little world; not the sounds of plastic bags that I should have heard when Cash had come back. I didn’t move from my spot, but instead looked out the windows to regain my bearings. It was futile, given that the raining clouds didn’t tell time. The purple-black masses didn’t give me the chills they once had, but now, as I watched them, I almost understood them. With a weak smile, I closed my eyes, and listened to more of what was going on around me. A navy blue comforter was what was covering me carefully, placed there right out of it’s new bag by Cash. From around the kitchen came the sounds of bags being emptied and boxes being opened. Then, it was the unclasping of a case that made me leap up.

The sound was too familiar, as I looked over to where Cash was huddled, to be anything other than what I knew it was. My old companion, my treasure, had to be just beyond there.

“Cash?” I asked, as he looked back to where I was standing, hand on the counter.

“Yes, Ang?” He said, his half smile placed perfectly on his lips. My smile couldn’t have been broader as I skidded knees first next to him to see what he’d opened, and there – in front of my new eyes – sat my guitar, cleaned and freshly stringed.

“You really did keep it for me,” I whispered, almost in shock. Cash nodded as he picked the guitar up gently and held it up for me to see.

“Of course, I had to do some vanity work on it. All those dings and dents didn’t really work for you – you deserved something nice. I guess, though, I knew you wouldn’t want to part with your old friend.”

I didn’t know what to say to him, as he stood and began unloading more bags. “I went to my storage locker to get it. You may need to tune it – because it’s been sitting there for a month or two. The strings are some of the latest, so it may not be too bad. You know new strings though, always finicky.” I took my time looking over the instrument, and found where the biggest of the gashes in the guitar’s finish had been. The fix on it was very clean, and it took me a few seconds to find it, but the nostalgia of the instrument made me feel like I could fly. The music that suddenly flooded my mind once more made me smile – each and every word weighed with many memories.

And now, the memories didn’t seem so bad.

Closing the guitar back in it’s case for now, I stood to look at what Cash was doing. Already on the counter top lay multiple pairs of jeans, socks, a few tee shirts and what looked like four sweaters that looked more than a little expensive.

“Cash, why’s all of this here?” I asked, though I already had guessed his answer.

“You can’t wear those every day, can you?” He asked, looking me over with a questioning smile. I shrugged, and pulled a quick retort.

“You never complained before – I’ve almost always dressed like this,” I said, and leaned my elbows on the counter, peeking into another bag casually. There was a jacket in there. A pea coat, to be exact. It’s black fabric looked soft, but before I reached in, Cash distracted me. “Why don’t you go change? I mean, I’d like to know that I got the right stuff.” He said, looking away conveniently as I tried to see his expression.

“Fine,” I said, hiding the curiosity that had suddenly bitten the back of my mind.

I went into his room, a couple bags in hand, and closed the door. I locked it, quietly, then set the bags on the floor. Fresh underwear made me blush, as I opened the bags. Then, I saw the clothes. Jeans, a tee shirt, a sweater. Socks, and my sneakers. A 'well-collected casual', I thought. Making sure my long hair was still tied back, I walked out.

“Okay, genius. How do I look?” I asked. He looked away from the TV, and after a brief moment, smiled broadly.

“Well, it’s good to know that my guessing skills are dead on,” he said, and then ran a hand through his blonde hair.

“That doesn’t answer the question,” I sighed, putting a flippant hand on my hip and eying him. He arched an eyebrow at the attitude, but then laughed quietly.

“You look great, Krista. You always do.” He said, unfazed by his own words. I blushed again, realizing that he’d actually been looking.

Then, I realized I was blushing. Okay, so I could blush? But, I couldn’t cry? No, that wasn’t the case. I hadn’t cried before, because I didn’t need to. The thought made me frown, but then I thought better of it, and walked over to join him over at the sofa. Cash moved his feet off of the other side of the sofa to let me sit next to him, and I almost automatically recognized the old action movie he was watching. “Big Trouble in Little China?” I asked, almost surprised with his taste.

“Yeah, so?” He replied, looking at me with a puzzled look. “Oh, nothing.” I said, and snuggled in with the comforter Cash once again put over me.

“I bought an air mattress, too. So even if you don’t want to accept the perfect hospitality, you’ll have something better than a sofa.” He reached over and ruffed the top of my head playfully, even slightly condescendingly, but I knew it was still a friendly gesture.

The movie continued on, but before long my attention was drawn away by Cash – though not though anything he was doing. Looking at him as he watched the movie, I wondered how I had never guessed that he was immortal. I mean, sure, he’d never been injured in any of the fights I’d known about. He’d also never had a single blemish – no acne, no old scars – though I’d always supposed he’d just been a lucky teenager. He was a couple years older than me, in appearance. Maybe 21? 23? I’d never asked – and he’d never told. His blonde hair reflected the dim light from the outside, as we’d turned the lights down a few moments after my sitting down. His dark eyes focused on the movie, or at least seemed to. Part of me told me he knew I was looking at him – but was letting me be.

Shifting so that I wouldn’t be able to look at him anymore, I decided to close my eyes. I’d seen the movie many times before – my father had enjoyed the movie almost as much as my siblings had, what seemed like so long ago now. It seemed like so much had changed since the naive years I’d spent at home. Sighing, I swallowed the fact that I would never be able to go back to those days. Maybe it would be best to forget them, even.

It wasn’t until now that I realized I’d actually returned to my numb place – and had apparently seemed to have fallen asleep. Cash was walking around, and when I opened my eyes, I saw the mattress was inflated. He was walking to his room, apparently leaving me for the evening. “Goodnight, Krista.” He said, looking back at me. Yes, he did know when I was looking at him.

“Goodnight, Cash.”

When he was in his room, the door closed, I went to lay on the bed. Realizing that I was still in my clothes, I walked over to the plastic bags. Finding a pair of pajama shorts, I took my new jeans off, and laid them and the sweater on the counter once I’d refolded them.

How to Be a Guardian Angel -- Chapter 5

Chapter Five

“Whoa, Krista. Chill out – you just left a dent in the wall!” Cash said, putting a hand on my shoulder, and easing my head away from the dent. It was then that I realized that even the way I perceived physical contact was different.

“Cash, what’s wrong with me?” I asked.

Cash looked at me like I’d asked a ridiculous question. “Nothing, Angel. Why would you ask?” He said, placing fingers gently in my hair, his full attention on me again.

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked again. “Don’t play coy – what’s going on with my body. I can’t feel pain?” My voice became even more scared as I looked desperately at him, wondering if an Angel was something I could really deal with being.

“No, you can’t. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” He said. “What about heat? Or the cold?” I asked. “It’s nearly winter, and I couldn’t tell the difference outside.”

Cash sighed, and laid against the arm of the sofa, his feet across my lap. “Welcome to my world, Krista. It’s the life of anybody who’s an Angel. The Fallen are the same way; We don’t feel or experience the same things as humans, and we can never be like them again.”

“Can we die?” I asked.

Cash only shook his head in reply.

“But what if I don’t want to do this?” I asked.

“There is no choice. We don’t get to pick, Krista. Damn it, I thought that point was clear.”

I looked at him, knowing that if I could have had it that way, my eyes would be red from crying – but no tears came, not even the sting of them hiding behind my eyes. Gripping a pillow, and feeling the material beginning to tear under my hold, I tried to calm down. However, I guessed it was just another quirk to be unable to let this fury go.

Cash sat there for a while, as I simply sat and glared out the window, and across the lower buildings in this part of New York. It seemed that he got bored afterward, and began to wander about his apartment. It was large, and had multiple bedrooms –one of which he disappeared into. He didn’t return, and it wasn’t until a few minutes later that I heard the water of the shower, faint from through the two doors that now separated us.

The silence, as I realized that I was no longer in neutral territory, seemed a little awkward as I sat and looked more thoroughly around the area, noticing that there were no pictures, not even paintings. The walls were a barely-there blue that reminded me of icicles, and the floor’s carpets were nearly jet black, and pristine. It seemed that even my shoes, though as miraculously clean as they were, hadn’t left a speck of dust behind. Expensive was the first word that came into my mind, and once again I was forced to wonder how Cash really had come up with all the money.

There was a set of keys on the marble counter near what appeared to be a fully functioning glass stove top, and a rather large refrigerator. Opening the fridge, I noticed it was stockpiled. Taking a fruit soda from the door, I opened it quietly. The view from the place may have once been majestic for me, but now, it almost felt like a cage.

Gritting my teeth as the near painful carbonation touched the back of my throat, I realized that the water from the shower was now off. Cash had always taken lightening fast showers, but I took the silence as a sign that Cash would be back soon.

Sitting down in a different chair that faced the wall I’d dented, I closed my eyes and simply listened as Cash moved quietly about in his room. Then, I thought about my own wardrobe. The clothes that I had died in, which were on me now, were somehow clean and almost looked as new as they had been when I’d bought them – when I’d still been living at home. With the family that had left me to die. Just like I eventually had.

They would never know. They would never care. To them, I never even existed. I didn’t formally exist. The reality of the situation still burned whatever of a heart I had left. Gripping the can until I knew that, any tighter, the soda would be spilling all over the chair and the carpet. Hearing Cash not far away, I knew that damaging more of his property wasn’t going to win me any favors.

“Hey, Krista.” He said, his voice from above me. I opened my eyes and cocked my head back to look for him. He was looking over the top of the lounge chair, his dark eyes the only thing that gave a clue to the fact he knew he’d scared me.

“Yea?” I asked, taking a deep breath and looking at him more with more focus than before. Casually, he brushed a piece of hair from my face.

“So, where do you want to sleep – I mean, you can have my bedroom if you want. I’m fine with the sofa.” He said, and then walked over to it, flopping at his fully length across it, smiling lazily, looking very much like a cat as he eyed me.

“I’m fine with the sofa,” I said. Surely, I wasn’t going to sleep much anyways, so why steal the host’s bed? I sighed, and stood, and walked towards the floor to ceiling windows that looked onto the balcony, and from there, to the great view before it.

“You sure, Angel?” He asked, not moving from where he was. I nodded, and then there was a sighed ‘okay’.

He then grabbed a jacket and some keys – giving the impression that he had necessary errands to run. Leaving me with his now otherwise empty apartment, the TV remote, and the passing phrase ‘help yourself’, I lay stomach-down on the floor to channel surf. Of course, the place I inevitably landed on was one of many music channels. The Eminem Rewind, I figured, wouldn’t be that bad to listen to. Letting my mind focus more on the lyrics than my own problems, I settled into a numb mentality as I listened for other signs of life near myself, and the music.

The wings on my back still made themselves known with a mild weight that eventually made me decide to lay on my side, facing the great windows. The bright sky of the afternoon I'd returned to had faded with dull purple clouds, and I decided that – if I ever really had a chance – I was going to ask the Big Man himself why he’d chosen me of all people to be an Angel. Sure, I hadn’t had much going for me, before, but what was I supposed to do now?

I was a dead 17 year old girl with a family that wouldn’t remember me. I had bright white wings that no normal person could see – but I could see every body else’s wings, the ghost wings of fallen angels, and various tell-tales of demons. Nobody knew me, and it was apparent that it even with the number of people who had puzzled second glances at me before, I was going to be an unnoticed passer-by in a lot of peoples lives. Transient, unnoticed, and immortal. Unchanging.

I would never grow up, never grow old, never get married, never have kids. It was the classic undead-child tragedy, and yet, this was only all the more ironic. God had given this to me, and it couldn’t be revoked just by asking.

Still numb, without even a tear or a clenched fist, I closed my eyes and shut my heart to the thoughts and dull emotions that wanted to rise in my throat like bile. Nothing like tears was going to help me - so why waste them? Draping a wing over my exposed side, I covered myself and dragged my consciousness under and into a dark place that not even my memories would touch.

My safety zone.

How to Be a Guardian Angel -- Chapter 4

Wow! Update guys -- I've just been informed that my story has made it past the first cut for the writing scholarship, despite my earlier statements of not being sure that I was going to even hear back from them at all. I guess I'll keep the blog updated as to how I'm doing on it.

Chapter Four

Exhausted, I climbed out of bed when dawn had arrived. It was maybe eight in the morning, but Cash was sitting on his bed, in the spot he hadn’t moved from since he’d sat down last night. I didn’t try to talk to him.

“What’s going through your head, Krista?” He asked as I grabbed my clothes.

“Numbness. Exhaustion.” I said, and killed the urge to yawn as it passed through my body, turning into a violent shudder. The knife that had been in my fingers hit the floor and flew open, missing my exposed tows by inches. “What’s going to happen?” I asked.

Cash took a sharp breath, but I got no other reply.

I dressed in silence after that, but left my guitar case. '“If something happens, then, take my stuff. I take it that somebody’s going to want it. I don’t want anyone else to have it.” I looked up at him with a bitter glance, but he nodded.

“Good luck, Krista.” He said, and then appeared in front of me. “I’ll see you soon. I promise.” He kissed me on my forehead, and I felt dizzy from the touch.

Then he was away from me, and down the hallway. I tied my black hair into a ponytail, stared my green eyes down from the mirror, and left my knife on the dresser. I wouldn’t need it where I was going, and I wanted to get it back if there was ever a chance. I didn’t know if there was even going to be a chance of coming back, but from what Cash had been hinting at – I wasn’t leaving for good. Puzzling thoughts, I realized, when nobody had even mentioned death.

The streets weren’t busy. A couple stragglers to work were rushing towards the nearest bus stops, but the paths were clear to the park. The same shady people were there, but they payed no attention to me as I stalked through in just a tee shirt and my jeans. My boots were silent against the cobblestones, but the sky was gray and the wind echoed in my ears.

Then there were sirens, and the park seemed to be surrounded by cops. It was too late for me as somebody grabbed me from behind, and I felt the cold hard metal of a gun against my ribs. “Don’t come close, or the bitch gets it!” The person screamed, and I realized that I had chosen poorly. I locked eyes with the officers, but they seemed as stunned as I was. I struggled, but the man’s arm was like steel around my neck and upper body. The gun dug deeper into my ribs, and I whimpered. I looked around wildly, and then saw Cash running around the corner.

A gunshot tore through the air. It hit next to my foot, and I realized that an officer must have fired. Oh damn this is bad, I thought. The coherency in my mind was returning hurriedly, until the gunman holding me freaked, and fired.

Right through me.

The pain didn’t last long, because I bled out too quickly. I died, there in the park. So did the gunman, but it didn’t matter. My last mental image was of Cash, wide-eyed at the corner, watching in despair. He’d known it was going to happen – but like this? I guess even this had to have been a shocker, in this city....

.....right?

Part Two

* * *

Dead.

Being ‘dead’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Especially since, now, I’m somebody who died in one of the biggest gang related incidents in New York. Unclaimed by anybody, my body had been cremated. My spirit was lost now, in the city.

I was a spirit only until my body was destroyed. Then, I was back. Sitting on the park bench, like I’d been there all along. I had been dead, though. I knew it – and the hollow sensation in my chest reminded me every time I looked around. People walked by like they’d never seen me before, but when I looked at my hands, I saw no difference. I even had the same ring on that I’d been wearing before the accident. The park, however, did look different. The trees were bigger, and the new park bench that Cash and I had been sitting on what seemed like only a matter of days ago was old now.

“What happened?” I voiced aloud, only earning myself a couple stares from the people around me. When I looked at my shoes, and then saw everybody else’s, I froze. I was even more outdated then I’d been. Not that it mattered at the moment. The point was disturbing, and when I stood, I realized that I stood out more than I had thought. People watched me out of the corner of their eyes, and as I loped away, my fresh and unworn clothing clung to my skin like a sign of the days to come.

Around the corner, I ran. I ran the roads back to where I thought the halfway house was, but when I arrived at where it should have been, I skidded to a halt. The building was no more – and in it’s place was just another run-of-the-mill apartment complexes that had been increasingly common to the area. It was new, though, so as the fear of possible dimension changes flashed into my mind’s eye, I shook it out. This was still the New York I’d left. It had just moved on, like things did. But how long had I really been gone?

I walked to find a drug store, and then found a newspaper. The date was 2015. Four years had passed, and yet so much had changed. “Do you want to buy it, or are you just going to stand there gripping it like it’s your only hope?” The store clerk eyed me over half-moon spectacles, his smile friendly despite the half-threatening joke he’d just spouted.

“No, I’m just looking at the date. Can’t believe I couldn’t remember it this morning. I lost my phone, that’s all.” I said, acting like any normal person would have. “I don’t have any money.”

The old man nodded, and then went to help a customer who had walked up with items. “Goodbye,” I said, with a backwards smile. It faded when I left the store, and began my aimless walk through the city. I kept my eyes on the ground, in case the people suddenly did remember my face, maybe from some paper or news report. No one stopped to talk to me, which meant that my hunched shoulders were working. I didn’t stop to realize, as the day drew on, that my stomach hadn’t began to feel empty. My energy levels, however, were a different matter. My head seemed foggy as I walked around another corner, the shadows growing deeper. A city church bell sang out that it was eight in the evening, I realized that it must have been late summer, maybe fall. I hadn’t, however, felt the heat of the day.

Some shops were closing, probably because of the gang activity that had rocked this part of town, only four years ago. Not much, physically, had changed of the city. Mentally, though, people had moved on. There were more new cars, sure. New buildings had been built, yes. But the faces here were still tired, and worn, and the rush of the city still surged on. I walked past other various tech shops until I saw the giant arch in front of me. I was at the main entrance of China Town, but what had pulled me back I couldn’t tell. My meanderings had been directionless, taking me wherever my body had leaned. The coincidence was uncanny, but I walked on despite the vague thrill that charged up my spine from my toes.

Hours ticked on as I walked through the neighborhoods. It eventually grew to be full dark, when the lights of the streets flickered on in full and the restaurants, too, began to close down. It was then that I walked past the restaurants and heard the voice speak my name.

“Hey there, Angel.”

I didn’t turn around as I felt something on my back stretch out and then fold inwards. What? I asked myself to keep calm as my mind subconsciously recognized who had spoken, and the shock of it sank in.

“I’m glad you found your way back, Krista,” he said. Then footsteps came closer, coming down the short set of steps.

I didn’t turn to face Cash as his hand ran up the things that I had just felt appear on my back. “Come on, demon got your tongue? I’m really happy to see you again.” He touched my shoulder, and helped me turn around.

“Wings?” I asked, seeing the great white things on his back., mirroring mine.

“As a matter of fact,” he said quietly. “Surprised?” He asked, touching my face.

I slapped it away. “I want some explanations, if you don’t mind.” I stepped closer to him. “Why am I here, and why the hell do you suddenly have wings?”

His smile faded a little, and he put his hand on my shoulder, reassuringly. “I think the better question you should ask, is why you have them too” He said, and past my shoulder he reached again to touch something. There was a long shudder that ran down my body.

“Why do I have wings?” I asked, my voice a softer tone than I'd used.

“Because you're an angel, same as me. I’ve been one for longer than you’ve known me. The only reason you couldn’t see them before was that only other angels and the fallen can.” His brown eyes glittered in the night light, and I saw something like adoration in them. He seemed to be soaking me back in.

I stretched my wings out. They were big, but not huge. I guessed, then, that celestial beings didn’t need physics. Cash watched me with the same look, and out of the corner of my eye I watched him cock his head to the side and smile as kept his eyes on me. “Why am I like this?” I asked.

“They picked you for guardian duty a couple weeks before you died. I wasn’t your guardian – I couldn’t protect you because of their orders.”

“Why was I picked?” I said, thinking in my head at the wings to just go away. They didn’t.

“I can explain that later, but let’s get back to my place. There are creatures here that would pick a fight, if we’re not careful enough.”

I looked around, but almost missed Cash as he started walking away. Somebody crept passed in an alley, and I shuddered at the memory of my death. I ran to catch up with the boy that had once been a security. Now, he was even more of a curiosity than he had been once before.

His apartment was in a deeper part of the city, surrounded by other apartments and hotels. Taxis swarmed the area, dropping people off. I could actually smell the greed rolling off some people now. I could also smell the sadness of others. There was something here that made my hair stand on end – but when Cash took my hand, the sensation faded.

His apartment was huge, but I didn’t pause to take in the decor. “So what’s going on?” I demanded, turning to face him with my hands on my hips.

“Whoa girl,” Cash laughed at my reaction. “Take a deep breath, and tell me what you really want to know.”

Cash leaned against his kitchen counter, and stuck a hand in his pocket. He was far more relaxed here than he’d been – or was it because he was only far more relaxed around me? “Where was I for those four years? Why am I an angel?” I refined the question into the parts that bothered me the most.

Cash looked at me for a while. “You were dead. Simple as that. Time passes differently in Heaven than it does here. You were probably only in Heaven for a few seconds, just passing through, before they sent you back. As for why you’re an angel,” Cash sighed. “I wouldn’t really know a true fact about it. What I do know is that you were practically an angel already, when it came to what you did for that boy. You did a lot for him, even though you owed him nothing.”

I hadn’t even thought about Devyn, not since after that day. I also hadn’t thought that I was doing that good by helping him. “You had a big heart, considering all the shit that happened to you, Kris.”

I walked closer to him, looking at the wings that were still visible on his back. “Is there any way to hide them?” I asked. “No; and not that we would be allowed to, either. It’s a rule.”

“What other rules are there, if such a silly thing is one of them?” I asked. Cash sighed.

“Well, for one thing, it’s a basic element of taking some respect for what you are, and who you’re working for, Krista. Secondly, there are too many rules to count. All I know is that under no circumstances are we to break the Big Ten, and to never fall in love with somebody on Earth. It’s the quickest way to become a Fallen.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “A Fallen. Like, a fallen angel?” I asked, laughing.

Cash shook his head, not looking at me. When he did though, I sensed his piqued anger. “This isn’t a joke, Krista. These are rules, and if you’re turned into a Fallen, you can never come back.”

I watched him in silence, as all the humor fell away. My mind wandered to the night just before I’d died, when he’d been yelling, and then had found me at the door. Even though the boy before me clearly had the mark of the divine on his back, there was a dark side that I clearly hadn’t seen much of before. After a while, however, the dark look in his eyes faded into the usual mischievous glitter. He pulled me over to a sofa, and said that I could do whatever I wanted here, when he was around. We talked about little things, until another question finally popped into my head.

“Why doesn’t anybody remember me? People I used to see at the park looked right at me, and didn’t seem to know my face at all,” I pointed out what I’d noticed when I’d been sitting at the bench. Cash leaned toward me, sitting crossed legged as I was on the sofa. Looking me dead in the eyes as he pulled a small smile.

“The benefit of living in New York is that not many people are going to try and hold onto a face that they didn’t even know that well. All it takes is a mass brain fuzz by whatever powers that be, and then you’re not even part of history anymore. I doubt even your family still has a picture of you, as well. It all just disappears – so even though you live in an amnesiac town, nobody else knows you either.”

I took in the information slowly, wondering with a numb sensation, how I actually felt about it. I mean, my family had left me to die out here, so why would it bother me to hear something like that? They’d probably forgotten about me anyways.

It hurt, though, to think that even though I had still loved them, and maybe still did, that they wouldn’t even know that I’d died. They wouldn’t even know that I’d existed. With a harsh laugh, I threw my head back onto the sofa with a thud that only meant I’d hit the wall, instead of my target. It didn’t hurt at all – I didn’t feel anything at the impact. My entire reality was different, and there was not a thing I could do to fix anything that had happened.

How to Be a Guardian Angel -- Chapter 3

Chapter Three

It was already past noon when Cash and I finished. My case was pretty full by then, and it was an amazing sensation to have the people look at me like they did now. A street rat with talent – I guess they never saw that one coming. At the thought, I laughed aloud, and made Cash look up at me in surprise from where he was sitting. “So, lunch?” He asked, the puzzled look fading from his face as quickly as it had come.

“Totally,” I said, closing my guitar into it’s case and pocketing the money. “You’ll get the share,” I said, when I saw his eyes follow the money.

“No, I don’t want it,” his voice cut through the air, as his eyes locked with mine. “It’s yours, really.” His brown eyes were stern, so I didn’t argue, even though I was completely confused by his reaction. “You sing beautifully – besides, I’ve got enough from other things.” Cash took my hand, and then pulled me down the park path. It wasn’t until I saw the huge China Town arch that I realized that he was taking me on yet another adventure.

“Well, this is a surprise.” My voice was tired from all the walking, and I had to admit that after this many blocks, the guitar case and it’s contents had grown heavy.

“I felt like furthering the change of pace, seeing as we’d already started one today.”

Cash had let go of my hand a while ago, but we’d walked fairly quickly to get here. Inside the exotic neighborhoods, little shops and cramped alleyways made the place shrink and gave me a minor claustrophobic reaction. It faded as we kept walking, and then was gone as we stepped into a restaurant, and then were seated.

“Have you come here before?” I asked, as we both looked at the menus.

“Nope,” his voice was light but his eyes focused on me. “I’ve been on this side of town, but I’ve never really stopped in anywhere. I just thought it would be cool to try.” He pointed to something on the menu. “I did hear that the eel is good, though. Tastes like chicken!”

I laughed, then. “Most things taste like chicken, if you cook it long enough. As for eel, though, I may have had it once or twice when I was younger.” I shrugged. “It's really good,” I smiled at him, and then saw his expression change to something like sadness - but as soon as I acknowledged it, it was gone.

“What’s up with you? That look was really weird,” I locked eyes with him then, looked away. I peeled my gloves off, and then took my jacket, and other items off. My jeans and tee shirt stood out in modern contrast to the antiquated interior of the area, then again, so did Cash’s clothes. The difference between him and I was that he seemed to stand out more all by himself. He was beautiful, and though for a girl I was pretty well off, I didn’t shine as well as he did. My voice did it for me.

“Nothing is wrong,” He said, and ran a hand through his hair. “A thought just crossed my mind – it’s nothing, really.”

I looked at him for a second, then decided that I had no reason to doubt him. “So, what do you want to eat, Angel?” He asked, after that moments pause. Angel? I paused, again, then looked at my menu.

“Don’t really know. Their Pork Fried Rice sounds like I won’t be hungry for days.” Cash nodded.

“Chinese Dumplings, depending on how they’re made, are pretty damned good too. They’ll keep you full, for sure.” Cash eyed me again from across the table.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” I smiled, and then set down my menu. “And Mountain Dew. I can’t believe that they have it, but I’m so in.”

Cash and I sat for a few minutes, then gave our requests to a young waitress. When the food arrived, we both ate in silence before the question finally popped out of my mouth. “So where did you get all the money, anyways?” I asked. He shrugged.

“I won some in a game. Nothing to worry about, or to really think about at all, if you know what’s good.” Cash winked to make it a joke, but something like a ‘just don’t go there’ hung in his tone.

“Whatever,” I sighed, and then ate. Cash’s posture slumped for a moment, like I’d overreacted to something simple. I didn’t care – there was a lot that I didn’t know about this guy, even though I’d lived with him now for almost a year, it seemed. I’d opted for him over the other ‘girls’ who looked like they would kill me for two cents.

“I’m impressed with your voice, Krista,” he said, after he had shoveled a fair bit of food into his mouth. “How long were you planning to keep that from me?”

I ignored his question, and asked my own. “If you’re capable of making good money, why are you still at the halfway?” I asked, arching an eyebrow, irritation filling me.

“Why the sudden interest?” He asked, not reacting as I blushed.

“I just -,” I started, before he shook his head. “I haven’t left yet because I knew you didn’t have anybody else. I liked you.” The brown eyes in his face had grown dark, and deep. “I’m planning on leaving soon, though. I’m tired of dealing with the constant fighting.” I nodded. Finally, an answer.

“Okay, Cash.” I said, and then payed attention to my food once more.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” My head snapped up.

“What?” I asked, shocked. This conversation was so up and down it was giving me whiplash, but I had caused the majority of it.

“I wanted to tell you today. That’s why I brought you.” Cash looked me square in the eyes, but then looked away as the sadness returned. “I can’t tell you exactly why – I know that you won’t except that I just left because of the fighting. I never get that hurt.” He sighed, and then took a sip of his soda. “I want you to visit me, okay?”

I nodded, but the hollow sensation didn’t ebb as we continued eating. When he payed, I saw that it was all in fresh and clean bills. Bank robberies, I supposed, were a real possibility. Where else could he have gotten all the cash? I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen now, but what, I couldn’t guess. Whatever it was that he had done though, it didn't seem to make him worry at all.

The walk back was long, but relatively quiet, unless Cash and I started were laughing at some wanna-be gangster pumping his rap up so loud in his beaten up car, acting like everybody wanted to know how big he thought he was. There were other homeless on the streets, and people watching from corners. There was also the real gangsters, and the pimps waiting for their prostitutes. Cash took my hand during these parts, while I kept my other hand gripped on the end of my knife in my pocket. It was an even darker city at night.

Cash opted for me to clean up after we got back, seeing as our towels had been cleaned and my pajamas were freshly folded out on my bed. Normally, it would have been an insult, but to me, it meant that he had phone business to take care of. He was one of the few people in the house who had a cell phone, though most of the other peoples were either being payed by families, or where the five-dollar pay-as-you-go plans that you could buy at the local drug shop. I didn’t say anything when I left, as he was dialing, but the freshening sense of foreboding drove nausea straight into my stomach.

The shower made me feel no better, even though I was happy to be clean. The hallway was silent, but it meant that I could hear the conversation on Cash’s phone. He’d never yelled in the past, but this time he was, and it was loud. I was silent as the grave as I crept back towards the door, and pressed myself against the wall. “I can’t believe you still want me to do this. You’re just going to make me stand by and do nothing? Do you understand what you’re asking me to do to her?” He yelled into the tiny cell phone receiver, inside the room. I couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation, but then Cash was quieter, as if he’d been reprimanded, or even threatened. “I know my job. Yes.” He took a deep breath. “But this is against everything I’ve been taught to do – do you understand that?”

Then there was the click of the phone being closed. And the door opened, before I could move from where I was, leaning on the wall only inches away from the crappy wooden trip of the door.

“Krista?” He asked, unsurprised but probing. I couldn’t respond to his question. Fear gripped me, but before I could move, he pulled me against his chest in a bear hug. His shirt wasn’t there, and through my pajamas I felt the warmth of him. “I’m sorry.” He said, but didn’t say anything when I tore away, and walked to my bed. I felt shaky, and I knew something was horribly wrong, but I couldn’t say without a doubt that I was the ‘her’ he’d been talking about. My teddy bear was askew on my pillow, but on Cash’s bed, lay the cell phone where he’d thrown it. The tension was palpable in the room, and a chill had settled in the room despite the heat I felt in my face.

My warm covers didn’t make the chill go away as I lay there, facing the wall – away from where Cash sat on his bed, staring at the wall in front of the two beds, at the closet. Nothing made me feel more secure. Not my worn teddy bear that I was holding close. Not the knife under my pillow. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I couldn’t even conjure memories to drag me to sleep, as none came. I could swear I hear the hours tick by on the digital clock, though it was impossible to. They dragged on slowly, until my world eventually faded to a light sleep – and it was dawn once more.